The Packer Pundit: The Packer Apprentice

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The Packer Apprentice

We put the SPECIAL in Special Teams!
Packer Pundit / Patrick Stuckey

So I'm surfing the web yesterday morning... putting together yesterday's post and eating my Lucky Charms and I come across this article... Kicker Brought In To Compete With Rayner. Now I have to admit I was a bit confuzled... I mean didn't we just cut Cundiff and BJ because we didn't want Ryan and Rayner to feel like someone was constantly breathing down their necks? And that's when it happened!

Call it a Higher Power...
Call it Kismet...
A Happenstance of Good Fortune...
Good Karma...
Good Fortune and Luck...
Luck with my Lucky Charms...

Whatever you want to call it... It was right there staring up at me from my kitchen nook! The pink hearts... yellow stars... green clovers... ummm turquise horse shoes... ummm purple mountains majesty... and all the other 47 different shaped colored marshmallows had formed the word 'Apprentice' in my cereal bowl. And that's when it all became clear to me.

Ted Thompson's been doing this all wrong!

We've actually been paying guys to come in and kick field goals and punt... when what we should have been doing was to make this whole tryout stage into one of those reality shows.

Now just hang with me and check it...

Huh??? Huh??? Are ya feelin' me???
Are ya smellin' what the Packer Pundit is cookin'???

Here's the dealeo... we put a nationwide search out for the best and brightest young minds and kickers... choose 18 out of the millions of applications... make sure we get at least 2 hot chicks and 1 totally neurotic geeky guy... split them into two teams... then each week we have them do task like... oh... kick an extra point... ummm punt the ball for say... a 40 yard average and 4.5 seconds hang time... or maybe come up with a promotional gimmick to sell razor blades or soda pop by seeing which team can humiliate themselves the most by turning themselves into street vendors and selling their products to passing pedestrians.

We're talking huge ratings!
We're talking a 33.7% share of 18-35 year olds!
We're talking Emmy!

And then next year...

Oh yeah baby!

Check this...
We get like 11... 'washed up'...'has been' field goal kickers...
Then we pair them up with celebrities like Britney Spears... Ben Afleck... or maybe Ron Palillo (Horshack from Welcome Back Kotter).

Somebody 'text' George Blanda on the phone...
Garo Yepremian let's do lunch...
I'll have my people contact your people...
Is Jack Dempsey still alive???
What are the Zendahas's doing?

Oh wait... I just got another idea and you're gunna love this one...

*Ultimate Kicker must be willing to kick in hellacious weather and horifying field conditions and be willing to accept the league minimum of $35,000.00 a year 'cause Ted Thompson doesn't believe in paying high salaries for kickers like Ryan Longwell.